Thirteen Tales of Textural Arousal Vol. 2

To create ROBIN ANDERSON’S perfect pot-pourri of mischief, murder, mystery, the macabre and more take one kilt, one Zhivago, a Siamese cat, a taxi, a cough, a pencil, a portrait, a mouse trap, a wannabe chef, cobblestones, a rattan screen, dentures and a sprinkling of nursery rhymes; blend well and indulge yourself with the THIRTEEN aphrodisiacal flavours!  

Paul Dot Go

Meet WILLIAM (WAN.W) WANDSWORTH, portrait painter extraordinaire, whose diverse backgrounds for his carefully selected subjects (and to their cost) vary from a converted country barn, a startlingly ‘reinvented’ and ‘mechanised’ chrome and mirrored 14^th century Italian castle, a refurbished Victorian candle factory and last but not quite least, an eerie cemetery where clandestine midnight assignations could and do go horribly wrong.
     Added to this bizarre palette is a vibrant clashing of cocks, personalities and multi talents when the larger-than-life artist crosses paintbrushes with the likes of ruthless interior designer HARRY HUMPHRIES and boy wonder pop idol TOMMY TYLER.
     Aiding and abetting WILLIAM in his determination to become ‘a legend in his own time’ is his hand-picked coterie comprising the sinister dwarf duo, PAUL and NELSON, the olfactory major domo SKIDS  along with his bête noir, the rapacious RUFUS, plus the dark, dubious PRINCE ALBERT.
     An innocent victim caught up within the artist’s ruthless ambitions is the long-suffering MIC SANDFORD whose infatuation with the aforesaid HARRY sees situations ranging from loss of body parts and even a soul or two.
     Prepare for a fast, twisted rollercoaster ride - part scenic and part terrifying – of jealousies, perversions and violent revenge but always within the presence of the darkest of humour. As with WILLIAM’S nemesis PAUL GAUGUIN - the original PAUL.GO – this reincarnation is an acquired taste; for some a feast of unsavoury delights and for others a banquet of despair.

Defunct Gristle

‘Hell hath no fury as a cross-dresser scorned’ proves a poor elucidation for Anthony Fortesque’s reaction over his thwarted Out of Africa campaign. The hapless Anthony, his romantic misconceptions ruthlessly spurned by the dashing Hamish MacFadden - an indifferent substitute for Anthony’s ‘big white hunter’ fantasy figure - sees his African ideal rapidly changing to the more vengeful Hate of Africa. Aided and abetted by the glamorous Petra (cojones) Gonzales and cohorts Mike and Damon, Anthony finds himself drawn into an evil scenario way beyond his wildest imaginings. From the elegant drawing rooms of London’s exclusive Belgravia to the hidden savagery of Zimbabwe and the superficiality of Cape Town, Anthony’s anticipated African dream soon degenerates into a nightmare which can only end with its grotesque awakening.  

Bruised Fruit

Not content as a child with frying his pet mice, boiling his sister’s goldfish, pulling the heads off fledglings or docking innocent dogs’ tails, the elegant, sophisticated grownup Jeremy Spiers sees himself bound for even greater - and more sinister - amusements. Flirtatious dalliances between the likes of Franchot ‘Tone’ Seaton, a black artist on a meteoric rise to international  acclaim all thanks to the Svengali-like Jeremy; the formation of Spiers-Seaton Fine Arts (set in a revamped undertaker’s premises), and the artist’s so-called ‘doppelgänger’ the complex Sybil, Jeremy’s Auntie Mame-like uncle, all lead to twists and turns of increasing complexity. Enter the mysterious Mary Magdalene, the ‘do badder’ Howie, his loutish colleague Nev the Rev, the dapper but devious art critic Giles and the darkest ‘Comedy of Terrors’ ensues. From the glamorous galleries of London, Paris and New York to an unexpected cremation in the Australian outback there is no holding Jeremy and his hell-bent ambitions, both predatory and businesswise. Throughout the fast moving pages Jeremy strives to ensure nothing is ever truly past its ‘sell by’ date, his attitude at times becoming an even more chilling one.   

Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds showed these creatures not to be our feathered friends but do the herons found in London’s Hyde Park go out of their way to disprove this? Will DAVID and PETER really build their own nest or does the flighty, fledgling PETER have other plans? And while PETER plots and prevaricates with his own Mommy Dearest is the heroine of the Seventh Tale, the saccharine-inspired Mary Poppins, responsible for a spoonful of something else as opposed to sugar? As a besotted NIGEL COLLINS finds to his cost, for ‘charm’ read ‘harm.’
     These cautionary tales – most with terrifying consequences – continue. Beware of what you whisper in the middle of a sex show in downtown Bangkok! This could easily cost you an arm and a leg!
     History also repeats itself in the reincarnation of Julia Bovary, the flawed heroine of Gustave Flaubert’s historical novel. Meet the modern day Monsieur Bovary in the form of JULIAN MASTERTON and for rustic, idyllic France of the 1800s switch to the hedonistic pleasures of today’s South of France. Unlike the tragic original the ruthless JULIAN triumphs!
     More folkloric history emerges with Hamelin’s famous Pied Piper replaced by bumbling ERNEST CRAIG whose surprise Day Of Reckoning Party does exactly this and more!
     And last but not least, with the old still inspiring the new, while Oscar Wilde’s disfigured Dorian remained banished to the attic, DORIAN MONTAGU’s modern muse sits being constantly adored and adorned, the final embellishment being unwittingly donated by the avaricious TONY BURTON.
     With thirteen such tales offering such a combination of terror, titillation and tragedy perhaps some form of textual arousal is to be excused!

Still Life

Meet ETHELRED JONES, acclaimed film director of the bizarre; CLYTEMNESTRA, his beautiful ‘bacterial’ artist wife and the rest of this discordant quintet, the disgraced ‘donor’ doctor, CHARLES CONRAD CROSBY; the priapic black giant Man Friday named MONDAY and TRISOMY - a child old beyond her years – all melded together in the creation of the ultimate cinematic and art experience, STILL LIFE.Into this monstrous mélange comes the unsuspecting OSWALD ARGENT, an aspiring thespian more narcissus than actor, who finds himself – literally – taking ‘a step too far’ when accepting a misleading role in the meticulously planned STILL LIFE scenario. On entering the rarefied world of Bethlem Báthory, the JONES’S mysterious isolated country mansion known to the locals as Castle Dracula, the devious young OSWALD finds his film debut more gourmet than glamorous.
     Enter BRYAN SCIMA, his former lover who, by chance, ends up as Lady of the Manor with distant neighbour, SIR MILES ANSTRUTHER, a wealthy property developer. Coincidence follows coincidence through never-ending scenes of gratuitous violence mixed with glamour and the grotesque.
     Set in London, Italy and Morocco, STILL LIFE is an articulate, cynical novel filled with black humour at its most humorous; a volcanic-volatile hot bed of sex, greed, money and destruction. The story, which runs at a breath-taking pace, will keep the reader riveted in more ways than one. STILL LIFE is an ‘up and down’ ride which gathers momentum leading up to an unprecedented climax.
     Think EDGAR ALLAN POE meets FREUD, THE MARQUIS DE SADE and NOEL COWARD in a mind-blowing gang bang and you are almost there. To quote ETHELRED JONES, ‘We stuff the snuff!'